I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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