Got a toothbrush?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
