My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
