Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
