Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
