once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
