I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
