Can i not drive my cunt home
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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