It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think my fart just growled at me.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
