so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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