i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
