Christians are straight up FREAKS
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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