i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
