Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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