I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
