You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
