Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
