I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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