we should wear snuggies to the strip club
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
