I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Text me some of your sweat
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
