How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
