we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
...so i touched it.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
