Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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