I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
