That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
