it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
