Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
