3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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