hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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