Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
