Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
