Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
