Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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