he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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