Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just gargled with NyQuil
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
