im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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