y did u give ur computer a hand job?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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