so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
