Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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