I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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