I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
