I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Can I color on your dick again?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
