thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
