Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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