Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
