If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
