I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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