Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
