Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Are we still banned from the library?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
