you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
