Soap is not a condiment
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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