so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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